How to Help a Shy Child Adjust to Nursery
It’s natural to want the best for our children and it can be hard for parents if they feel their child is struggling. It’s normal for a large number of pre-school children to be confident and chatty at home, yet quiet and shy in social situations, but parents are sure to want to do everything they can to help their child thrive.
Being naturally shy in new situations is to be expected for many young children, but what happens when this shyness begins to impact their interactions with other children? An introverted personality is nothing to be ashamed of, but there are many things you can do to help more reserved children come out of their shell and get the most out of social situations. If your child is about to start nursery, or if they’ve started but you’re worried that they’re struggling to adapt, read on for our top tips for helping a shy child adjust to a nursery environment.
What is shyness?
Shyness is a normal developmental characteristic amongst babies and young children and it’s a common response to new or overwhelming situations. Of course, adults can be shy too but most of us have learnt coping mechanisms to help us manage situations that make us nervous, whether that’s a presentation at work or going to a party where you don’t know many people.
The thing we call ‘shyness’ is often made up of a mix of emotions, including fear, apprehension and anxiety. Shyness can also have different meanings at different stages in a child’s development. For example, babies are naturally fearful of unfamiliar adults, but children aged around four or five can begin to become more self-aware and develop a shyness stemming from self-consciousness.
All children are unique, and there’s nothing wrong with having a child who is a little quieter and more reserved than others. The only time shyness becomes a problem is if it’s causing your child a lot of distress or impacting their day to day life. If your child refuses to go places because of their shyness, if they feel unable to join in play with other children, or if they struggle to respond when spoken to, then they may need some extra encouragement or help from a professional.
It’s important to remember that all children develop at their own pace, and that’s ok. However, if you do want to help your child become more comfortable and confident, see below for our top tips to helping them settle into nursery or daycare.
Tips for shy babies and toddlers
Some nursery facilities are able to care for children from the age of six weeks onwards, so it’s never too early to start helping your child adjust to larger social situations. How you choose to care for your child is a very personal choice, but if your baby or toddler attends (or will be attending) nursery, see below for our tips to help quieter children settle in.
Give your baby time to settle in
Some babies are far more comfortable being passed around and held by various friends, relatives and carers, but many will need a little more time to adjust. It helps to stay in the room with your baby for the first few sessions, to give them time to crawl and explore with the comfort of having you near. Instead of passing them to be held by an unfamiliar adult straight away, give them time to get used to the new people in the room by playing together.
Try not to become over-anxious yourself
We understand this is easier said than done, especially if your child is heading to a nursery or daycare for the first time. While it’s perfectly natural to want to soothe a scared or shy child, being too cautious and ‘over-comforting’ can reinforce the idea that this a scary situation and the child is right to be very shy. Maintain a calm presence from afar and gradually reduce the time spent with your child at nursery until they’re comfortable on their own.
Model confident behaviour
Much of children’s behaviour is learnt by watching their primary caregivers, so try to model confident, social behaviour in front of your child. For example, when you go to visit the nursery display confident, open body language such as eye contact, smiling and shaking hands with the staff. If you appear happy and relaxed, this signifies to your child that this is a comfortable, safe place to be.
Avoid labelling your child as ‘shy’
This advice is relevant for any age, and it may seem confusing seeing as we’ve spent the above few paragraphs describing shyness! Children pick up on things from a very young age, so consistently labelling a child as ‘shy’ can encourage them to define their personality by that quality only, or make them feel like it’s something to be ashamed of. It can also reinforce the very behaviour you’re trying to reduce, as a child may feel that if they are a ‘shy person’, they must act accordingly.
Instead, try to use alternative language that’s more positive and flexible, such as ‘[name] needs a little time to warm up, but then I’m sure he’d be happy to join in’, or ‘We’re going to sit and observe for now until [name] feels more comfortable’.
Tips for young children
Many children naturally grow in confidence as they become older and start school, but it can still be a difficult adjustment. Pre-school children (ages three to five) may have begun to attend nursery full time, but it can still be very useful to help them grow in confidence now before they start primary school. If you feel your child is still shy at nursery or is finding it hard to make friends, see our tips below to help them manage their shyness.
Communicate with the teachers
Teachers and nursery staff are there to help, so don’t hesitate to communicate with them and work out a strategy between you. Being on the same page both at home and at nursery/school will keep things consistent and help your child grow in confidence.
Help your child to meet and make friends
If your child hasn’t attended nursery before, begin to gently introduce them to larger groups of children by taking them to the park or soft play on a regular basis. Gently encourage play and conversation between your child and other children you meet so that they can practice their social skills. Gentle exposure early on can make the process of starting nursery much less daunting, and encourage children to step out of their comfort zone.
Praise outgoing behaviour
Shy children may not welcome praise in public and feel self-conscious, but when you get home be sure to recognise and praise any positive behaviour where you’ve seen your child go out of their comfort zone. If they’re already attending nursery, ask them about their day and respond with lots of encouragement and warmth if they mention initiating a conversation or play, or answering a question in front of the class.
Set small goals
These will depend on your child’s individual personality and level of shyness, but you could start by setting small goals at home in the period building up to them starting nursery. Things like saying hello to a neighbour, playing with a group at the park or asking more questions are good places to start.
Avoid negative comparisons
It might be tempting to use more confident friends or relatives as an example for your child to copy, but this can compound the problem and make them feel there’s something ‘wrong’ with them. Instead, reward and praise their own confident behaviour and acknowledge when they’ve done something outside of their comfort zone.
It’s also hugely beneficial to focus on your child’s hobbies and strengths to help them build confidence. Identify what your child enjoys and build on those skills; a child confident in his or her abilities is less likely to be shy in social situations.
Children thrive in a warm, caring and stimulating environment, so if you’re looking for exceptional nursery facilities for your child, get in touch with the team at Sandfield Day Nursery. We’re proud to offer the highest quality care for children aged six weeks to five years and we’re committed to providing a comforting and educational environment for every child. Whether your little one is outgoing and bursting with energy, or if they need a little more time to settle in, we have the patience and skills required to ensure that everyone is comfortable in our nursery.
We want to see every child thrive under our care and are focused on providing stimulating learning opportunities wherever possible. If you’d like to arrange a visit to see why we’re one of the best facilities in Nottingham, give us a call today.
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